FAQ and the nitty gritty on becoming a dominatrix

"So you get to beat up men for money? Amazing! How do I get in on this?" 


This is a question that is NOT new to me. In my short but fulfilling career as a dominatrix, I have had many requests from vanilla friends and even strangers to set them up with a job, so naturally, I have decided to put together a little blog for those interested in the oh so (sometimes not so) glamorous industry. 

Okay, back to the first question - This is a very good way to grind my gears. As a dominatrix, self taught, self started and self employed I am going to take offence to a question that is not only demeaning to my profession but female dominance as a whole. FEMDOM IS NOT SIMPLY BEATING MEN FOR MONEY! Well, in some cases it may be.. dependent on the client. Obviously we need to be naturally creative and every session has our own touch of uniqueness, but we do not get to go ham on a clients arse whenever we feel like it; boundaries are to be respected and pushed ever so lightly. 

Now, onto some frequently asked questions and pointers for those wanting to get started as a pro-domme. 

  • Honey, this world isn't as glamourous as it seems on the outside. 
    Remember, just like in the vanilla world we can convey whatever we want on the internet. We all have bad clients, no shows, extremely intense sessions and rude as hell clients. The more you work, the more you get used to this fact. 
  • It's messy - don't say I didn't warn you about back to back cleaning before, after and sometimes even during sessions. Invest in some clinell wipes and viraclean! 
  • It's not consistent
    You will find that bookings come in waves, one day you'll receive one phone call and then thirty the next. This makes it extremely important to budget, do not go and spend everything you earn on luxuries you do not need. 
  • IT'S EXPENSIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
    I cannot stress this enough, being a dominatrix is not cheap. Do not undercut yourself with shitty equipment, your client will know if they can break those cheap restraints. They will break and you will need to replace them - invest in good equipment straight away. 
    You will also need clothing, cleaning equipment and storage for all of your gear! When you start up, spend every damn cent you have available on these things. You never know when you might have a request for a cupping session, rope bondage or XXXXXTRA thick pegging session. 
  • Websites are important
    As tempting as it may be to start up with a free weebly site, don't. Your professional website screams high end! You wouldn't go see a therapist with a cheap website and tacky colour scheme now would you? 
    It's also important to keep your content coming and updated, people like to see you active and not only that, but it will keep your site ranked high in google. 
  • Use the modern age of social media to your advantage
    Yes! Instagram, twitter, facebook! Milk it to your advantage, hashtags are great ways to get you into that search engine. It's also a fantastic way to keep your following updated with your movements. 
  • You don't need to know everything and be skilled in everything
    Find your niche and stick to it, you will constantly evolve and learn in this world. 
  • UPSKILL! 
    Attend workshops, classes, seek training from a highly regarded professional or even contact your local fetish house. Use that damn bullwhip for hours in an open space before even thinking about letting it touch the flesh of your paying client! 
  • Do not use female domination as an outlet for your hatred towards the opposite sex
    This will set you up to fall, if you hate men probably just stay away all together. I once overheard at an event "being a professional mistress/master/kinkster is essentially like submitting, you are being paid to fulfil a fantasy" and this is somewhat true, your client trusts you and has put their safety in your hands, do not exploit that. You wouldn't walk into a room full of torture implements with a man who hates women, would you? 
  • Your looks are somewhat irrelevant
    I have had a few ladies approach me saying "I definitely have the look for it". That's great! Really, good for you, but please do not generalise all dommes into a certain style. We come in many shapes, sizes, colours and styles! 
    In most scenarios your experience, intelligence, creativity and skill will shine well above your looks. 
  • TIMEWASTERS! 
    We all get them. "hi mistress" "can you send pics of your face before I book" "I want to book in but I don't get paid until the day so I can't pay deposit" etc etc. Trust me, I have a short temper and it is HARD to ignore these people but in all honesty, you will be happier if you do not waste your time trying to convert these losers. 
  • Mental health
    Don't forget who you are, see a therapist, look after yourself, kiss the ones that you love and indulge in all of your vanilla pleasures!

This post is for aspiring dominatrices that have contacted me recently, please note that I do not offer training as I am still in training myself. If you have any more questions please submit them below and expect updates!

Mistress Ophelia Fatale X